i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
