yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
