my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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