I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
