But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
