erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
