I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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