I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
