we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
