I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Drunk walkin through police station. America
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
