come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
