I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
