i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
