I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
