Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
