she was so not down for the gang bang
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
