the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
