you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
