You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
