If i could tip my vagina, i would.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
What a dumb baby whore.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
