i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
