he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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