Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
