so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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