I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
