so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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