im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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