you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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