Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
