He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Of course I have a pirate flag
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
