But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
