capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Two words: blizzard sex
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
