Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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