Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
