So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
