well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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