ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
