did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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