just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
