I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
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