Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
