someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
