Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
If I die, sorry about rent.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
