I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I think pants incapable of making pants work
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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