I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
