when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
