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But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
