True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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