Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
this is an emotional support booty call
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
