Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
