get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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