we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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